this might be a strange statement, but not only do i love my kids, but i like them. there’s a difference. and fortunately, i like them. they’re fun. they have a great sense of humor. they’re creative.

and apparently, they’re proud 99 percenters. 🙂

so, quick setup: from time to time, we get a babysitter and the kids’ favorite babysitter (seriously, they might like her more than us…) is a college-aged girl named rebekah. several days ago, we returned home (she kept them all day) to discover that one of their activities was creating a book. lucy and olive did the illustrations and rebekah was there for her transcription and book-assembling skills (the plot of the story was completely by lucy and olive).

here’s what they came up with. (their story is in bold and my notes are in a regular typeface.)

The Bad King and Queen and the Nice Miss Rebekah and Lucy and Olive and Max. And They Steal the Treasure so the King and Queen won’t be Rich Anymore.

they decided to go all avant garde with a couple serious sentence fragments. and they’ve also mastered the literal. “look, we’re just gonna let you know right up front that we’re gonna steal the cash. these people are gonna be broke by book’s end.” it’s like changing thelma & louise to two murderous feminists drive their car off a cliff.

Once upon a time, there were some kids and a grownup in the forest. Their names were Rebekah, Lucy, Olive and Max. And the very bad king and queen. The kids pushed the king down on his head and then ran so fast so the book couldn’t see them.

page 1: DOWN WITH THE MAN! hashtag: #WeAreThe99Percent

this book gets scary quick. these kids are out for blood. and they don’t even care that their babysitter is there (in the forest) with them observing the mutiny.

the mark of a great illustrator, by the way, is when you’re like, “we’ve gotta draw 4 extra people on this page??? screw it, let’s just say we run so fast that we can’t be drawn.” brilliant.

Then the kids pushed the queen down on her head and then ran so fast so the book couldn’t even see them again!

hey, at least they believe in fair treatment for men and women. the queen gets the same upside down treatment as the king.

lazy illustrator strikes again…

There was a castle and the kids and the grownup named Rebekah and Lucy and Olive and Max snuck in and stole all of the king’s and queen’s treasure and treasure boxes, so they wouldn’t be rich anymore.

it wasn’t enough to go all ron artest on the king and queen in the forest. pillaging is the next logical step.

and also, i love the fact that they were like, “you know, we’re 4 pages in. maybe we should gratuitously remind the readers exactly who all is involved in this story. rebekah and lucy and…”

They were not rich anymore. They stole all of their treasure, so the king and queen looked all over for more treasure, but that was all there was, so they weren’t rich again for a long time. (Next to the picture:) This is Lucy taking all the treasure and hiding it so they will never find it in the deep, deep attic.

let’s just cut straight to head-scratcher here: “the deep, deep attic”. i got nothin’ on this. i don’t know. apparently we’ve got a basement/attic mashup situation going on. i think the only thing lucy knows about attics is the one time i told her i think there’s a rat and/or squirrels in ours. so, there’s probably some kind of repressed trauma there. who knows.

This is the Kingdom (Olive’s addition).

here’s exactly how this went down:

rebekah: “ok, i think we’re all done with our book.”
olive: [with a slight whine] “heeeeeeeeeey, i didn’t get to do anything.”
lucy: [smugly] “it’s because you’re a baby, olive.”
[olive smacks lucy. lucy smacks her back. rebekah steps in and tells olive she can add something.]
olive: [with a smirk of victory, as if she’s strangely overcome by a shakespearean moment of inspiration] “THIS IS THE KINGDOM.”
[olive drops the mic and walks away…]

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so there you have it. this is what goes on in the heads of my children (read: lucy). i can’t say that i’m wild about the violent overthrowing of government…but i’m digging the robin hood vibe here.

viva la 99%, byrd kids!